Training – One Family Ireland

We’re hiring Telephone Counsellors for the My Options phone line

October 15, 2020/in News, Training /by CommsAst

Are you an experienced professionally accredited counsellor? Would you like to join a team of professional counsellors providing information & support to those with an unplanned pregnancy? The MyOptions phone line is recruiting for Telephone Counsellors https://bit.ly/3lsrts9

10 Ways to Improve Listening in the Home

September 9, 2019/in News, Training /by Comms

Listening is not the same as hearing. To listen means to pay attention not just to what is being said but how it is being said, including paying attention to the types of words used, the tone of voice and body language. The key to understanding is effective listening. For this week’s ’10 Ways to …’ post offering parenting tips, we look at how to improve listening in the home.

Do I listen? Ask yourself firstly what type of listener you are. Are you focused or distracted? Empathetic or impatient?
Stop shouting: Children do not respond positively to shouting so try always to speak in a calm manner.
Eye contact: When talking to your child, get down to their level and look them in the eye.
Be clear: Do your children understand what you are saying to them? Clarify if needed.
Family meetings: Talk as a family about what not listening to each other causes within the family – ask if everyone would like things to be better.
Reward: Notice good listening and reward it.
Remember: Put a note up somewhere, like on the fridge, to remind you as a parent to listen.
Make time: Make time – at meals, when children come in from school, when parents come in from work – to talk with each other and listen to what others have to say.
Active listening: Practice actively listening to what your children say. Down tools and stop what you’re doing to listen, or ask them to wait until you can give them 100% of your attention (but not too long).
Building relationships: Listening to your child and other family members increases positive behaviour in the home and improves relationships.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is compiled by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Remember, if you need a friendly ‘listening ear’, our askonefamily lo-call helpline is available on 1890 662 212.

10 Ways to Manage Homework with Primary School Children

August 30, 2019/in Parenting, Training /by Comms

Homework is considered to be beneficial in helping children to learn how to manage time, planning and priorities, and to learn independently and take responsibility. These are all skills that will help them in the future in many ways. Homework also helps teachers to determine how well students are understanding their lessons. It is important as parents that we support our children in doing their homework. This keeps us in touch with what’s happening at school and how our children are managing, and will help children to achieve academically throughout their education. As part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, here are our 10 Ways to Manage Homework with Primary School Children.

Homework belongs to the child not the parent. Teach your child from entry to school that they are responsible for homework being done. Your role is to support your child with homework, but not to do it.
Create the necessary environment for your child to work in. They need a calm space with no TV or other distractions. Allow them time to relax when they come in from school and have a snack and change of clothes ready.
Always demonstrate an interest in your child’s homework, support them, champion them and stand up for them. You know them best, so encourage and support yet know when it’s time to stop. Know your limits and theirs.
Encourage your child if they feel it’s too hard. Acknowledge that it is hard but tell them you know they can do it. If you find yourself being negative with them, or saying something like, “Yes, you are no good at maths”, then it is advisable to look at your own issues with homework.
Set a start and end time for homework. Sometimes you may feel your child has too much homework on a particular day. Let the teacher know it will be completed by the end of the week rather than pushing a very tired child to finish it that evening.
The National Parents Council offers a guide to the amount of time each age group should spend on homework, stating that in general the following guidelines apply:
- Junior/Senior infants: No formal homework but perhaps some drawing, preliminary reading, matching shapes and pictures or listening to stories read by parents.
- First/Second class: 20-30 minutes.
- Third/Fourth class: 30-40 minutes.
- Fifth/Sixth class: 40-60 minutes.
When you are tired and your child is tired, it’s usually time to stop. Your level of patience will be lower. Remember that your relationship with your child is more important than homework.
Arguing late in the evening over homework leaves everyone unsettled and stressed which can lead to bedtime routines being disrupted.
Talk with the school/your child’s teacher if you feel your child cannot get their homework done without your help. Children should be able to do their homework alone with parents nearby. Your role should involve encouragement, checking it’s done, and testing them on key things such as spelling.
Sometimes children need time off too. Explore how many extra activities they have on and look at creating down time for them. Would you like to bring home work every day? A school day is long and it is important to acknowledge all the work they have already done that day. Try not to focus on the areas they’re less successful at as this will do nothing for self-esteem and achieve nothing. Appreciate that children have a lot on and need you to recognise the effort they are making in every task.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and advice on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

10 Ways to Prepare Your Child for Preschool

August 16, 2019/in Training /by Comms

As summer winds down, it is time to start thinking about school again. For parents with young children, that means looking into preschools for your children. Sending your child to preschool for the first time is a big step in both you and your child’s life, and it is important to make sure both of you are prepared to take that step. There are many ways to see if your child is ready for preschool, and in this week’s edition of parenting tips, we look at 10 ways to prepare your child for preschool.

Sit back and look at how much your child has grown in the past 3 years. Ask yourself if you are really supporting them to be more responsible, allowing them make choices and have more control over what they want and how they do things.
Ensure your child is toilet trained and able to manage in the toilet unaided.
Ensure your child can use a spoon to feed themselves, that they can recognise their belongings, get out their lunch and tidy away by themself.
Support your child to learn the rules of friendship, taking turns, sharing, asking for what they want and being inclusive of all children.
Play school with them at home. Help them act out their fears around school and through role play help them understand what will be expected of them in preschool.
Explore with them how they need to behave in preschool and what will happen if they misbehave.
Talk with them about the other children who will be there and how they will be very friendly with some and may not really like some children. Encourage them to have time for everyone and to aim to be friendly with all the children.
Visit the preschool in advance. Understand the policies and procedures in advance as a parent and help your child know what their day will look like in preschool. There are great differences between many preschools.
Keep preschool fresh in your child’s mind over the summer time. Help them be ready for school. Help them be confident by preparing them well and encouraging them to practice at home asking questions and resolving small disputes in a positive manner
Don’t put any pressure on your child. It is not university, so relax about whether they know their colours and numbers. They will learn if they are happy and feel supported to do so.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or emailsupport@onefamily.ie.

Image credit: Pixabay

10 Reasons why Children Misbehave and the Power of Positive Attention

August 9, 2019/in Training /by Comms

One way or another children will misbehave, but understanding the reason why can give parents the opportunity to develop positive coping mechanisms to address misbehaviour and in turn develop stronger and more positive relationships with their children.

When thinking about the reasons why children misbehave it is perhaps useful to think firstly about what misbehaviour actually is.
A lot of behavior is more an expression of energy and enthusiasm than any desire to misbehave.
Misbehaviour may be the expression of the need for limits to be set.
Building healthy self-esteem requires parents to provide their children with a predictable, safe environment.
Positive attention is an essential ingredient to raising confident, happy children
A child who receives regular positive attention learns that they are a valuable human being and learns ‘I am a worthwhile, interesting person’.
Attention-seeking behaviour in children arises out of very real needs and any attention is better than no attention.
Positive attention means using positive feedback to point out to your child the things that they do well.
Be generous with praise and encouragement when it’s due.
When you reward your child with an incentive be sure to add a comment that causes your child to think about doing the right thing.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

10 Ways to Make Play Dates Positive

July 26, 2019/in Training /by Comms

“Play date” or “playdate” is a US expression that has become popular in Ireland in recent years. Simply put, a play date is an arranged appointment between parents for their children to get together for a few hours at home. Play dates support children to form friendships, to practice their social and relationship building skills, and increase their confidence. Friendships are an important part of life, and start in the preschool years. As part of our weekly series of parenting tips, here are our tips to help create positive play date experiences for your children and you, their friends and their friends’ parents.

Play dates start with parent and child dates. Parents need to make time to meet other parents. Extend an invitation. It could start with arranging to be at the playground in the park at the same time.
Some parents are not in a position to invite your child over to play at their house. Don’t expect the invite. Play dates are for your child’s development and they don’t need to get invited to other homes all the time. They will be happy for it to happen in their own home.
Parents need to actively engage in play dates. Children need support to play well with other children. Always remain in the room with young children and as your child gets older, continue to fully supervise and always remain within earshot with doors open.
Talk with your child prior to a play date. Agree what games will be played, what toys they are willing to share and in what parts of the house they will play in.
Help children engage well in the games, both your child and the visitor. Support them to solve problems rather than you making the decisions. You are responsible for the visiting child’s well-being so you must protect their feelings also.
Make sure you have the contact numbers of the visiting child’s parent/s or guardian. Be aware if they have any special needs or dietary requirements.
Play dates are about play so avoid sugary treats.
Praise your child after the play date. Tell them how well they did; be specific about what went well. Later talk with them about what did not go well and plan what to do differently next time.
Be aware of how you deal with behavioural issues with your child and others. Be assertive in how you communicate with children and ensure they experience positive interactions in your home.
Talk with the other parent if things are really not going well. Both parents will need to work together to support young children to play well. Don’t make judgements on children; they are young and have so much to learn. Our job as parents is to help and support them, not judge or condemn them.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

10 Ways to Develop Family Rituals and Traditions

July 19, 2019/in Training /by Comms

A family ritual, or tradition, is a practice within a family that has special meaning to family members. Family rituals provide a sense of belonging and continuity. They bring families closer together. It is often hard in our day and age to escape the pressures and daily stresses that make up our lives, but having rituals creates an opportunity for children to feel secure. Family routines and rituals not only improve family relationships, they also improve health and emotional well being, particularly for children.

As part of of our ‘10 Ways to‘ series of parenting tips, here are some ideas to help you in developing family rituals and traditions for your family.

Think simple, not extravagant. An example of a simple and easy ritual is to eat together at least once every week.
Set aside time each week. Create a time where you and your children can be together to play.
Create your own special activity. For weekends, birthdays or celebrations, decide with the family how you really enjoy celebrating these occasions and go with that.
Include your children in the planning.
Create rituals that are meaningful to the whole family.
Be different. Don’t be afraid to start a new or different kind of family tradition.
Celebrate success. Acknowledge achievement within the family.
Don’t be a perfectionist. There’s no need to stress if it does not work out exactly the way you envisaged and planned. Things go wrong sometimes. A sense of bonding between the members involved is still created.
Create a Family Event Jar. A family jar or box is a decorated jar used to save for the next big adventure. Decorate it with pictures and words of places you want to visit or have visited, or activities you enjoy. The jar becomes a daily visual reminder for all family members of something to look forward to.
Rituals and traditions are something for all family member to enjoy together. Don’t fight your natural inclinations. You probably won’t stick with a tradition that isn’t working for all members of the family.

One Family offers a range of training options to help parents and guardians to build on their parenting skills which you can find out about here.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on 1890 66 22 12.

Image credit: Freedigitalphotos.net/arztsamui

10 Ways to Understanding How Your Child May Feel During Separation

May 20, 2019/in Training /by Comms

Whatever the circumstances, parental separation is hard on families and big changes must be made. Keeping their children at the centre of parenting and responding to the thoughts, feelings and questions a child may have, will help parents to help their child.

Research shows that children normally experience one or more of the following reactions to the separation of their parents:

Loyalty conflict: Children often get caught in the middle.
Does Mum or Dad love someone else?: Although Mum or Dad might not love each other, it is important to reassure the child that they love him/her.
I don’t want to come over today: As they get older, children’s interests vary. They may not want to visit a parent and may just want to spend more time with their friends.
Fantasies of responsibility and reconciliation: Children may feel they are responsible for their parents’ separation. They may dream up plans to get their parents to reconcile.
Why don’t you love Mum or Dad anymore?: It is not uncommon for children to ponder this question. Often children will blame the parent who they believe initiated the separation and view the other parent as a victim.
If you do not come home, I will never speak to you again: The purpose of a statement like this is to make the parent feel guilty so that they will return home.
Anger: Children between the ages of 8-16 years can experience intense anger. They can often be most angry with the parent they blame for separation, but they may express anger only towards the parent they view as the ‘safest’, usually the resident parent.
What should I tell my friends?: If you want your child to share the situation with others, you must be able to do the same. Encourage your child to be honest about the situation.
Why are you separating?: Children are more likely to ask this if they have not been given a clear explanation for the separation.
Worry about the future: The child may worry about the future. This is more likely to occur where there is parental conflict around contact and maintenance. Parents need to listen to their child’s worries and talk honestly and openly with them about any concerns.

One Family’s Family Communications – Parenting When Separated course starts in May 2019 please see details here. One Family also offer a range of services to parents sharing parenting or parenting alone after separation. You can find out about them here. If you need support, information or advice, contact our lo-call askonefamilyhelpline on 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie.

10 Ways to Parent Through Stressful Times

April 9, 2019/in Training /by Comms

Parenting can bring many challenges and when you are stressed these challenges can seem even more difficult to face. Here are some tips on how you can manage your stress levels and teach your children that while it may be unpleasant, stress is a part of everyday life. However, it is also important to show them how to manage stressful situations and to help them develop their emotional strength in order to cope with life’s challenges.

It is vital that parents learn to manage their stress and to develop strategies for dealing with difficult life and relationship issues.
When parents cannot manage their stress this rubs off on children and they can become stressed or depressed.
Learning the importance of support and the strength inherent in being able to ask for help is a skill that will take parents a long way.
Children can also become stressed in their own right so parents can model good stress management for their children.
In order to feel good about ourselves we need others to care about and care for.
Knowing what help is out there in times of stress can bring a real sense of relief.
Each of us needs a support system and this can come in many forms. Family members and even just one close friend can make all the difference to our emotional well being.
Parents with children of similar ages can provide excellent support for each other through the mutual sharing of experiences.
In order to parent well you need to be a good parent to yourself. Minding yourself is the key to keeping your stress levels down.
Keeping a focus on your child’s well being can also have a diminishing effect on your own stress levels.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

10 Ways to Survive Sleepless Nights

February 19, 2019/in Training /by Comms

With a young child, one of the most trying times can be night time. We all expect to be awake with babies and infants, but what if your child is 3 years of age and still waking you at night? Parents and children need their rest after a long day of work, school, or play, although sleep is often interrupted by a cry for help from another room. As parents, it’s impossible to ignore our children, yet we all need a good night’s sleep and we want the same for our children as well. Not getting enough sleep can affect how we parent and many other aspects of our lives. We explore 10 Ways to Survive Sleepless Nights.

If you know to expect that your child might call you during the night, it’s best to just accept it rather than dread it, as children will pick up on your anxiety.
Try to get to bed yourself very early at least 3 nights a week – even if you don’t really feel like it – so you can get hopefully 4-5 hours of continuous sleep before the first call from your child.
Stay calm during the night. Remember that it’s okay to forget the rules at times. If they will sleep well in your bed take them in, or get into bed with them if you can. A double bed for young children can be great if you have the space; at least you’ll have room then!
Talk with your child during the day about sleeping. Praise them if they sleep well and try to encourage them to call you when it starts to get bright, not when it is dark. Encourage self-soothing such as cuddling up with favourite teddy bears. Be extra generous with praise for any attempt they make to sleep better in their own bed without calling you. Talk to them about how sleep fills them up with energy for the next day and how they need it for the busy day ahead of them. Help them to understand and like the idea of sleeping, and talk with them about why parents need sleep too.
Try to ensure that during the day (not at bedtime), that you talk over things that are happening with them too. All kinds of things can play on your child’s mind that you might not be aware of: new home, new baby, getting in trouble, starting school etc. Dreams can wake them with anxiety.
If you live with another adult take turns to get up to the child – take every second night – then at least you are both getting a good sleep a few nights every week.
What if you have two children waking in the night? If safe to do so, and you have a big bed and side rails – and you have not been drinking alcohol or are impaired in any way – it can be good to take them on a sleepover into your bed on occasion. This could mean you all get to sleep till morning, or at least the early hours.
Try not to focus on how little sleep you get. Remember that a lot of parents are in the same situation. Think about how you might be able to incorporate opportunities for sleep into your own routine. If you travel on public transport, perhaps take a nap on the bus or train; or have one in the morning at home if your child is at creche or school. Explore if anyone can mind your child once a week for a few hours during which you can look forward to some sleep; for example, arranging rotating play dates with another parent.
Build some positives into your day. For example, look forward to some nice breakfast to give yourself a boost to get going. Something like fruit and yoghurt doesn’t have to cost much or take a lot of time to prepare. When we are really tired, we can feel somewhat low, especially if we’re parenting alone without many opportunities to plan for some sleep for ourselves; so it’s very important to actively build in these little positives to our routine.
Support your child to sleep well by following a bedtime routine and providing them with a restful space. What is the room like that they sleep in? Do they like it? Do they have cuddly teddies they have a good bond with during the day? Have they a night light? Is it a calm, secure, peaceful area?

Along with this post, you might like to also read ‘10 Ways to Establish a Bedtime Routine.’

’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting programmes here.